BADDIE SCREENING

BADDIE APPLICATION FORM

Please take this more seriously than I am.

DAN BOTHA | CAPE TOWN

Your name Your government name. We'll get to the aliases later.

Your Instagram Account cannot be private. This is a background check.

Where are you based? Cape Town preferred. Long distance sounds exhausting.

Age Please don't make this weird.

How much drama are we working with?

Practically none

A manageable amount

Depends who you ask

I am the drama

How many times a week do you say "I'm done with men"?

Never

Once or twice

Daily

I said it immediately before filling this out

What's your current relationship status?

Single

Very single

It's complicated

There is technically a man, but he doesn't know we're done

Can you handle someone who posts his entire life on the internet?

Easy

I'll adapt

Absolutely not, but here I am

How likely are you to get offended?

Very difficult

Depends

Extremely easy

I'm already offended by this form

What's your biggest red flag? Save us both some time.

What would your ex warn me about? Choose your words carefully. He may be contacted.

Are you actually funny?

Yes

People tell me I am

I mostly just send TikToks

Can you be normal in public?

Yes

Mostly

After two drinks, no promises

Define normal

How good are you at keeping things private?

Graveyard

Very

My best friend will obviously know

It'll be in the group chat before I get home

Why should your application proceed to the next round? This is your moment. Don't give me 'I don't know lol.'

FINAL DECLARATION

By submitting this form, I confirm that I am voluntarily participating in whatever the fuck this is.

I understand there is absolutely no guarantee anyone knows what happens next.

✓

APPLICATION RECEIVED

Management will review your application.

Management is me.

Please allow 5 minutes to 6–8 business years.

DO NOT CONTACT HR. THERE IS NO HR.